The Top Ten Things Not To Do as TSA Administrator

By Kip Hawley

In contemplation of the transition of administrations, I would like to share with you a list that I have prepared for whoever may end up at TSA in the next administration. It’s my version of The Top Ten Things Not To Do as TSA Administrator. And I speak from experience.

Number ten: Don’t take calls from friends in Washington about returning to government.

Number nine: Don’t use your real name.  Or if you do, reserve the URL, whatever your name is, like KipHawleyIsAnIdiot.com, reserve that URL.

 Number eight: Do not stick around for the “is mascara a liquid or a gel?” debate.

Number seven: Don’t ask for clarification when somebody says, “Huh, you look different in person.”

And number six: Don’t ever speak before checking the mute button.

 Number five: Don’t read the TSA blog just before going to bed.

And number four, this one is particularly important: After meeting at DHS Headquarters, do not rush out of the meeting, hop into the front seat of the Secretary’s Suburban, and surprise the Secret Service agent on the Secretary’s detail.

Number three: Never carry your wife’s baggie through the checkpoint. It’s a long conversation, but…

Number two: Do not forget to keep a straight face, no matter what, if you ever find yourself on the C-SPAN call-in show. (I won’t explain that one, but…)

I’m going to save number one until a bit later.

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